(NOT just) for Mr. Tony (only) + Tony's surgical re-write

Please see below how I have cut Yasser's essay by 50% and added a fictitious personal 'experience'. It has retained the spirit of his 'for and against' approach, but made a firmer, more decisive conclusion.

What do you so silent readers have to say?

Former students: you are administrators now and can EDIT posts. It would be wonderful if you commented upon and edited Yasser's essay on the pros and cons of children doing paid work. It was the first task 2 essay for Academic IELTS candidates that I gave you. The title was:

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

What are your opinions on this?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

I shall try to respond to Yasser's super initiative in posting this essay, well done Yasser!

Tony
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Working of Children Benefits & limitations

One of the most challenging problems of today’s society in many countries is children working either wages paid or not paid, also difference of the communities’ opinions who are supporting or discouraging that behavior. I would like to analyze to different teams.

Firstly, I’ll talk about audience who is against the totally subject, some people looking adversely for working of children depending on many reasons I’ll display in this session. There are two types of children, one of them who studying in schools and working after finishing their classes. Those students are not doing well because they haven’t enough time to review their tasks and lessons, even though they are losing the opportunities of playing sports and intellectual exercises and games, which are very important for them to help to grow, improve their skills of personality and confidence,
And that what the scientists studies and researches mentioned and recommended for the early stage of the childhood life.
Another type of students who never joint to school and working in a job or craft in a shop, grocery, carpentry and farms, which mainly due to the bad financial position for their families and some time this, refers to social believes, traditions and cultures.
These families irrespective of helps and supports of their local and international governments; they refuse to send the children to learn and progress.
Very important thing I want to mention, if the children work in their free time by their choice with consent of their families supposing they don’t have financial problems, the children will have a wealth they consider when they are comparing with daily petty cash expenses, which make them searching for many ways to expense them maybe it will be bad things, harm for them and dangerous, such as eating some kinds of chocolates more than ten pieces in one day which really offer their life for dangerous and some times to death , another example they buy some kinds of weapons from sharp knife to guns.

Secondly, I’ll speak about the team who encouraging working of the children with some types of paid works, they thinks its valuable and make the children more expert when they deal with customers and variety of people from different cultures and different socials levels. Moreover the people who are satisfied with this opinion, suggest that pupils should join to any job or craft to make their minds opened to the world and, they could plan their future and what they want to be when the child become man and what the carrier he likes more and the possibilities of achievement of his dreams. And this will shift the child from world of imagining to the world of reality and prepare the child when he becomes man to be responsible for him self, family and subordinates. Also the work of children will give them the trust by them selves and self esteem which a lot of people still try to achieve.

In conclusion, I think there are many advantages & disadvantages of working of children that I advice all families and parents taking care of them when they decide to let their children joining in some kind of paid work, especially in the summer holidays. [536 words]

Tony's re-write:

One of the most challenging problems in today’s world is children working either paid or not paid. Opinions differ as to this practice. In this essay I propose to look at both sides of the argument.

In the first place, there are those children who study and go to school. As I see it, this impacts on their performance at school and involvement in the full range of school activities during these formative years. Whereas, there are those children who drop out of school to work full-time to support their families. In my country, Jordan, you see such young people employed in craft work, agriculture and retail outlets. These children miss out on schooling and can never compensate for this disadvantage. Being involved in the work place can expose children to harmful influences and physical and moral danger.

From the opposing point of view, it is argued that children benefit from work experience and helps them adjust to participating in the adult world. It could lead to careers in the future and open children’s horizons accordingly. Such paid work teaches the child to assume responsibility and develop their confidence and self esteem. When I was growing up in Jordan I benefited from helping my uncle in his factory during summer holidays.

In conclusion, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages regarding children doing paid work. However I caution parents to research thoroughly any part-time jobs that they let their children do during school holidays or throughout the academic year.

[249 words]

Comments are most welcome!!!