The revised writing task two

Dear captain,
I was planning to keep the first try, and mail you anew corrected copy ,But by mistake the corrections done on the original copy! you will note the additional words in red while the gray color is represent to deleted words. Are you agree with me for this correction? for all other please read as in blue and gray colors.
The revised task considers mostly the syntactic mistakes


Dear Captain,
I need your help to improve my writing skill (a gain I get 5 in writing but my band still 6),bellow is the writing task No.two which I had in September IELTS test.kindly review and comment my essay.and highlight to me how can I improved it. this invitation is open to all.especially Firas Khowla and Maha.the subject was as I remember ( many universities are sending their student for practice training in the companies,what the advantages and disadvantages in your opinion).

Most of the universities send their students to build up their practice experience in different factories, schools, hospitals and so on. I believe this action is introducing(introduce) the trainers to the actual working live, and this essay will highlight the advantages and disadvantages of such process.

In my opinion sending the students for training is essential step toward the success in actual working live, this action in fact(fills) is filling the lake in practice gab which is cannot be totally covered in colleges and institutes, where the teaching programs is highly concentrate on the theoretical face of the acknowledgment. Moreover holding actual responsibility in training field is planting dependability feel,and unable them to impalement the theoretical lessons they got. On top of that dealing with high qualified staff (will help to transfer ) is transferring the information smoothly to the trainers and improve their skills. (Until now)I remember until now that I had very (the) valuable training month when I joined the Solar Energy Research Center, from there staff I gain a useful advices.

The opponents is argue that inserting non graduate young people in actual field is risky for themselves, or the other(s) or to the companyies itself, exposing the non qualified people to construction projects without learning them the required safety protection may lead to disaster ,same think (for)in the factory(ies) without close supervision the trainers could Makes-a-mistake costing money,or time or health of employees, and the more sensitive field is (the ) hospital(s) and schools where the trainers will be in direct touch with the patient(s) or pupil.

In conclusion training the student is vital part of teaching process and it should tack(s) more consideration from the universities, institutes and all other concern authorities in the country as the students will be the tools (to improve the society) of improving tomorrow. (293 words)